Worm vs. The Early Bird

The saying goes "the early bird gets the worm". Remember that it is just a saying, it isn't always true. Sometimes the early bird gets eaten by the carnivorous nocturnal animal looking for a last minute snack before going to bed in the dawn's early light. It is natural for worms and early birds to be mortal enemies. Let me tell you how this particular rivalry came about.

The Worm (Malcolm's alter-ego) is a crime fighter who defends Attleboro with a sharp eye on justice and moral correctness. All crime is crime. There is no gray area. If you litter, worm will get you. If you turn right on a "no turn on red" intersection. You will pay. Of course if you do really bad stuff like steal and things, well that goes without saying.

One day (not too far back as worm is only five weeks old) he witnessed an injustice. An elderly lady (blue hair, cat's eye glasses, and a polyester pantsuit) was driving to dinner around 3:30pm (the early bird special, hence her name) when Malcolm witnessed her driving down the street at 15 miles per hour. The posted speed limit was 30 miles an hour and driving this slow was dangerous. To make matters worse the lady rolled through a stop sign, barely peering over the steering wheel.

Malcolm spun around in his swaddle cloth, turning it into his costume and transformed into, the worm. Using his powers of flatulence he was able to bore through the ground at high speeds cutting right under the roadway. As he surfaced to confront the Early Bird he realized that she had taken an illegal left down the wrong way of a one way street and gotten away.

"Next time, Early Bird, next time!" Worm shouted and shook his fist (tightly wrapped in his swaddle).

The next day Malcolm decided that he should attempt to infiltrate the Early Bird's lair so he disguised himself as a duck (see below) and figured that ducks and birds get along. Now for those of you following along it is clear that the Early Bird isn't actually a bird, but Malcolm is only five weeks old and he takes things very literally so it is of no surprise that her moniker confused him.

That afternoon Malcolm snuck up on the Early Bird, seeing him come close she threw bread crumbs at him (which distracted him) and then walked away. She foiled him again.

Worm knows that there will be a next time. And next time he will prevail. It isn't clear that Early Bird recognizes that there will be a next time, for it isn't exactly clear that she even knows that she is the mortal enemy of a small infant.

Until next time...