Things I Like

After a long day of fighting injustice, a guy (invertebrate crime-fighter) just wants to relax and unwind. Sounds simple, right? Maybe for ordinary mortals. But for those that have chosen to guard the path of justice, relaxation is an elusive mistress. Still there are some things that help distract me, if only for a moment, from the burden of my responsibilities.

1: The Vacuum Cleaner

They say "music can soothe the savage beast." Well, I don't know about that but it sure helps me relax. As I have previously mentioned, my favorite band is the Vacuum Cleaner. I am often lulled to sleep by its hypnotic hum. The Cleaner is an under-appreciated musical talent. My brother, Oreo, would rather jump out the window than have to listen to it for more than a second. He has even on occasion been known to run screaming from the room the minute I put The Cleaner on (what a drama queen). And while they would never admit it to my face, my parents aren't huge fans either. They are constantly trying to limit the amount of time I get to listen to The Cleaner. I think they're worried about its explicit content. But I'm five weeks old, an active member of a secret, underground, crime-fighting organization, and a registered Democrat, I should be allowed to chose my own music without parental interference!

2: Stinkboy

My best friend is Stinkboy. He lives in the picture above my changing table. I can't say enough about him. I could just sit and talk to him for minutes. . . I mean it--whole minutes! He's such a good conversationalist that I sometimes totally ignore my parents' attempts to get my attention. This makes them so jealous that they even resort to changing my diaper in hopes I'll spent more of my time focused on them. Parents can be so clingy! Don't they realize that there are just some things a boy (invertebrate crime-fighter) can only discuss with his friends?

3. The Farm Mobile

As a active member of the Menagerie, the secret, underground, crime-fighting organization founded by my dad (The Agriculturist), is it any wonder that I have a thing for farm animals? And nothing relaxes me more than to see farm animals hanging from strings move in circles above my crib. Even on my worst days, where the weight of the injustice in the world is just too much for me to bare and nothing anybody does or says can comfort me, one look at the mobile and all my troubles seem to fade away. Unlike the Vacuum Cleaner my parents totally support my interest in the mobile. I guess they think it is more educational. Obviously thinking that my performance could help inspire relaxation in others, my parents even videotaped me rocking out to the mobile's melodies. I played it cool though and didn't let on that I noticed. You want these things to look natural.

So there it is. . . my list of the three most relaxing things in the world. For even the most heroic of invertebrate crime-fighters need some time to themselves.