Worm in Love

Readers, I'm in love. Real, tingly, earth shaking love! Her name is Dora and the very thought of her makes me smile. Oh how I wish you could see her! She's long and elegant with breathtaking angular features. Her porcelain skin shines in the soft morning light.

We met while my mother and I were having lunch at our favorite spot, The Rocking Chair. I had just ordered the special, la leche de la madre, when I saw her! Although we never made eye contact, I knew that very moment that this was the woman for me. For weeks Dora resisted my advances. Nothing I did or said seemed to make any impression upon her. I thought all was for not. That I'd be doomed to spend my days pining for one who would never love me in return. I was sleepless, cranky, desperate for a kind word or gentle smile but nothing.

Then one day something changed. I had returned to The Rocking Chair, my mother in tow, hoping to try once again to catch my lady's eye when a surprising thing happened. Dora winked at me! After weeks of rejection finally a sign of hope! I couldn't wait to get back to the restaurant to see her again. My mother began to suspect something was up because all throughout our meal I had a hard time looking at anything but my lovely. Finally, seething with jealousy, my mother turned around to see what had captured my eye. And do you know what she had the audacity to say? Do you know?! She looked straight at my love and said "Malcolm what are you looking at? That's just a door." A door? A door?!! How could my mother slander Dora like that? How could she not appreciate her linear design, her sparkly faux crystal door knob. . . oh I could go one for ages. How could she not see how Dora had enchanted me?

It took me a while to forgive her but eventually I got hungry again and decided a truce between mom and me was in our mutual best interest. Dora and I continue to take things slowly but I know, I just know, we are going to be together forever! For readers although she projects a tough, some would say wooden, exterior, inside there's a fragile flower just waiting for a worm to come and fertilize her heart.

Worm in Training

Greetings Citizens and Fellow Crime Fighters,
These past few weeks have been super busy. Evil does not sleep but recently I've begun sleeping more and more. This has posed quite the problem. For how can I both fight the sleepless evil in our midst and remain rested enough to keep my wits about me? Already in my absence, Early Bird and the Angler have attempted to seed the 'Boro with their malice. Thus, I've started a new training regiment in hopes of strengthening my composting skills so much that the very thought of my retaliation will send these punks screaming.

My day begins at 5 a.m. with a quick breakfast. The good thing about getting up so early is the quiet. So after eating, I try to take advantage of this serene time of day by visualizing my opponents and plotting ways to foil them. If anyone saw me in the midst of this mediation they would assume I had gone back to sleep but really I am hyper-aware. Around 6:15 a.m., La Vaca rouses me from my meditative state and helps me don my uniform. Then she and I head to the dojo (which is disguised as a day care so as to thwart enemy infiltration) run by the indomitable Kyoshi (master) Patti. There I have two sensei--Susan and Mary. I spend most of the morning working with them on various skills sets--hand-eye coordination, bowel control and verbalization. I have mastered kiai jutsu (see here: http://fightingarts.com/reading/article.php?id=158) and the ancient but little known art of spit bubbles. Around 11 a.m. La Vaca and The Agriculturalist come check on my progress and provide much needed sustenance. After which, I reengerize by meditating in the dark. . . in my crib. . . for several hours. It takes a lot of concentration. Then at 2:30 p.m. La Vaca and The Agriculturalist come to take me back to the homestead where we prepare for our evening of hunting down and composting injustice on the streets of Attleboro.



In the morning, we begin again. . .

school's in

Welcome all. Mom and dad started school this week. So did I. It has only been two days but so far I like my teachers a lot and so far it is pretty nice. There is lots to look at. They have already figured out that I like floating bears. I have spent the last few days looking at stuff (there is a lot to look at) and sleeping. The best part of my day is when mom and dad come and pick me up. I have also spent a lot of time with my various grandmothers. Nanny D and I spent all day together on Wednesday before school started. We went for a walk and we listened to the vacuum. It was a nice relaxing way to spend the day before school started. Then on Thursday Grandma Jean surprised me and came up. I love surprises. We spent a few hours with her.

Oh, by the way I am on my way to become a millionaire. Mom and Dad started up my bank account. I have a five year CD and a savings account. I assume that with interest I should have a few million in the bank by the time I am 18.

It has been a busy few weeks but I am sure that more will come.

Thanks,

Worm